Stargazing
by Pnumoman
Summary: In the future, Sakura and Syaoran marry and live a wonderful life, parents to two beautiful twins. To them, life seems like a dream, full of happiness and joy, each day filled with bliss. But when Sakura suddenly passes away, how will Syaoran deal with th


Stargazing  
by Pnumoman  
  
/*Dedicated to Hikaru, for putting up with the idiot (me), and  
also because if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be writing CCS fics  
today. Thank you, truly, for teaching me how to be a real fan of a  
series. ^^   
  
(PS: Take a gander at some of her fics if you haven't yet!) */  
  
***  
  
The sun shone on the grassy fields as the cicadas hummed the   
distinct sound of summer. There was gentle warmth as light as a lover's   
embrace, touching and caressing, but never being overbearing. And up   
above, sparse, white clouds drifted in a sea of baby blue, floating in   
the heavens as green leaves swayed on tender branches, moving to the   
odd breeze. Wide swaths of grass followed suit, dancing to the same   
soothing rhythm, while the wildflowers, dotting the vast expanse of   
overgrown grass, stood like pinpoints of bright color amongst them.  
  
It was summer.  
  
On a small road near a quiet country village, more a lane than   
anything, a lone van sped along kicking up dust, alone between the   
plains. The windows down, the gray van suddenly seemed to have sprouted   
two heads, a young boy and girl's. The boy, with raven hair, sharp   
features and wire rim glasses, gave a smile to his twin sister, as she   
returned the favor. She had brown, unruly hair and piercing green eyes,   
eyes that were lit up with happiness. And they were both laughing.  
  
"Please don't do that, Ayumi, Kaneda."  
  
Slowly, the two children lost their wonderful smiles, and ducked   
inside once more. The quiet request from inside the van commanded   
mostly with its emotionless tone; chastised, the two put back on their   
seatbelts and sat with their heads slightly bowed, mood quickly   
dampened.   
  
Up front, Tomoyo slowly brought her head back forward, and   
frowned slightly.  
  
****  
  
"Auntie Tomoyo, can we go and explore?"  
  
The van was parked in front of the summer home, still painted a   
pastel shade of yellow, the same shade from long, long ago. Nothing   
much changed around here; it was all kept in pristine condition by an   
obscure organization funded by the extensive Daidouji estates. Indeed,   
Tomoyo's business skills were quite adequate to support this lavish   
preservation, and many others besides. In any case, the keepers knew   
when to recede into the woodwork, and summer vacations were a prime   
time to do as such.  
  
"Well, I see no reason not to. Do you have any objections, Li-  
kun?"   
  
"No."  
  
"Then be back in time for dinner, children. Have fun."  
  
Tomoyo saw them off with a smile, holding her straw summer hat   
down from a renegade breeze. After the two kids ran off over the   
nearest hill, she returned back to the van to unload the rest of the   
luggage. There was only one suitcase left, however, as Syaoran had   
already unloaded them all, wordlessly. Frowning, something that Tomoyo   
seemed to be doing more and more around Li, she tidied up, and then   
approached Syaoran in the kitchen, where he was setting water to boil.   
Or appeared to be doing so, anyway.   
  
***  
  
He stared into the pot of water, peering into his reflection for   
a second, until ripples in the water distorted his figure. Placing the   
near-full pot of water down before he could spill some on him, he noted   
that his arm was becoming increasingly unsteady. Li then reached over   
to light the stove so he could warm the water, something which reminded   
him of warming milk. Reminding him of warm, honeyed milk, something she   
would do for him when he was sick, sick but still able to see her, see   
her beautiful face on the bed, the bed that smelled of flowers, and   
her, and antiseptic...  
  
Somehow, Syaoran suddenly found himself staring into a pot full   
of boiling water, half of it evaporated already, with someone's hand on   
his, turning the burner off. He looked up, saw Tomoyo's worried face,   
and looked away.   
  
"Please, Li-kun, let me help you."  
  
A pause.  
  
"...I don't need help."  
  
"Look at me and say that, Li-kun. Look into my eyes and tell me   
that."  
  
Syaoran knew that he couldn't, and made no pretense in doing so.   
He pulled his hand away, turned around, and started to walk out,   
heading back into the living room.  
  
"Will you at least let me show you something? Please?"  
  
The sheer desperation in her voice stopped Syaoran, the tone   
bringing back some of his former self. It was brief, but long enough   
for Tomoyo to start leading him outside into the harsh light of day.  
  
***  
  
They entered the old mansion together, still furnished and clean   
after all these years. The staff were doing an admirable job,   
preserving all the little details, yet keeping it all sparking neat.   
They were gone now, knowing when to give their President and Owner,   
Miss Daidouji, some privacy. She led Syaoran up the winding stairs; he   
was oblivious to what this place was, much less who formerly resided   
under this roof. But still she led on, eventually ending up in what   
seemed to be a little girl's room, dolls on the dresser et all. The   
room led to a private veranda in the back of the mansion, overlooking a   
tennis court and the gardens. There was also a picture drawn in crayon   
on the desk, framed and sitting alone, picturing a family of sorts,   
with a rainbow over their heads. Done in white, with the linen and   
curtains to match, it was a very pleasant room, the décor giving it a   
light and airy feel.  
  
Syaoran entered, looked around, and faced Tomoyo with his dead,   
lifeless eyes.  
  
"Why did you bring me here?"  
  
Tomoyo walked over to the desk; she stood silently, just staring   
at the picture.  
  
Then she spoke.  
  
"Because...because I have a story to tell you."  
  
And Syaoran listened.   
  
***  
  
"He passed away a few years after that incident, but on his own   
terms, at peace with the world."  
  
Tomoyo then turned to Syaoran. He still stood motionless in front   
of the doorway, head slightly down, looking for all the world like a   
living corpse. There was no reaction from him, not even a hint that he   
even listened to her tale.   
  
Soon a breeze ruffled her skirt from the open balcony door behind   
her; Tomoyo suddenly balled her fists, anger uncharacteristically boiling   
up in her. The clouds that gathered during her story made the room   
shadowy and dark, matching her mood, it seemed, perfectly. Walking   
stiffly towards Syaoran and brushing past him, she whirled around in   
the doorway, narrowing her eyes.  
  
She spoke quietly, but with rancor.  
  
"Could you stop being so selfish for one minute to love your   
children?" She paused, then seemed to deflate as there was no response   
again from Syaoran.  
  
She then whispered something as she looked down at the ground.  
  
"You know, stars exist where you least expect them."  
  
She turned around, and left.  
  
***  
  
Syaoran made no move for a minute, then started to laugh   
bitterly. He started to laugh louder, then suddenly started to sink to   
the floor, as the tears started to fall. Outside, lightning struck,   
briefly illuminating the man inside the room, the man who sat on the   
floor head clutching his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. He   
started to sob as the rain fell, driving down hard from the heavens, in   
deafening sheets of water. Soon, the only sound that could be heard was   
the rain, pelting the earth, flooding everything in its path. With   
another crack of lightning, Syaoran slowly pulled himself up, tears   
still flowing, and moved slowly to the balcony.   
  
He fell in a heap on his knees on the balcony floor, rain already   
soaking him to the bone with a stinging hail of water, hair matted down   
to forehead. As he sat there on his knees, his mouth slowly moved,   
imperceptibly at first, but it moved wider and wider as he started to   
say something over and over again. Soon, his voice rose to a scream, as   
loud as he could shout, but the sound was still nearly drowned out by   
the rain. He screamed out a word over and over again, his head looking   
up towards the heavens, hands in fists at his sides, rage contorting   
his face. He then breathed, and using that breath, he let loose one   
last scream to the heavens, yelling out the word again, and the heavens   
answered with a bolt of lightning. Collapsing on the balcony floor once  
more, he sobbed and whispered that word until he lay unconscious on   
the floor.   
  
Once more, the rain was the only sound that could be heard, as  
the pained cries of "Why?" ended.  
  
***  
  
"Could you stop being selfish..."  
  
'I can't help it, I love her so much...'  
  
"...to love your children?"  
  
'But I do love them, I love them so much, but it hurts to   
see her inside of them, to see her spark in theirs...'  
  
"You know, stars exist where you least expect them."  
  
'Really? Then where is my star now, where is she when I   
need her the most?'  
  
***  
  
He felt warmth on his skin as he started to wake up, felt warmth  
all around him. As soon as he tried to open his eyes, however, he   
immediately shut them again, blinded by the sun. Rolling over, he blinked  
his eyes open in the shade, his back towards the sun. As he started to  
get his bearings, his eyes suddenly jerked upward and widened, and then   
his face cracked a smile as he lay back down. He started to chuckle, with  
his eyes closed. Suddenly, he started to laugh loudly as tears trickled   
from the corner of his eyes; they were sweet tears this time, not bitter  
ones.  
  
And then he rolled over back into the sunlight.  
  
***  
  
When Ayumi and Kaneda came back from their expedition, they were   
thoroughly soaked, but laughing and jubilant, with Ayumi following her   
brother down the road. Their hair matted and wet, they sprayed off some   
moisture now and then as Kaneda shook once in a while, eliciting   
shrieks of laughter from his sister. As they neared the house, however,   
they saw their father sitting on a bench in the front porch, bathed in   
sunlight. Their mood immediately became somber; Kaneda went next to   
Ayumi, and held her hand as they approached the house.  
  
Expecting a scolding from his father, Kaneda was understandably   
shocked when all he received was a pleasant request to go change for   
dinner. All the more shocking was that it was done while his father   
seemed to be basking in the sun with his eyes closed. Not being one to   
tempt fate, he immediately went inside, where as his inquisitive and   
more naïve sister stayed behind.   
  
Ayumi crept up on the swinging bench next to her father, and   
asked a question only a wise child could ask.  
  
"Daddy, what are you doing?"  
  
Her father smiled.  
  
"I'm stargazing, dear."  
  
Her head cocked at an angle with a quizzical expression on her   
face, Ayumi decided that this was one of those adult things, shrugged,   
and went inside to change.  
  
Her father stayed outside, and kept on stargazing out in the   
daylight.  
  
  
/Fin/  
  
  
/* Yes, this is in the future; yes, Syaoran and Sakura married; yes,   
this fic takes place where you think it does; and no, Tomoyo and   
Syaoran have not, are not, and will not hook up. So there. ;P  
Standard disclaimer applies (these ain't my characters 'cept for Ayumi   
and Kaneda, they belong to almighty CLAMP, yadda, yadda, yadda). */  
  
  
-Pnumoman  
  
Historians exercise great power and some of them know it. They recreate   
the past, changing it to fit their own interpretations. Thus, they   
change the future as well.   
-Leto II, His Voice, from Dar-es-Balat  
  



End file.
